he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
