A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
