so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
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