1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize