hell yes lets make some ravioli
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
