Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
