Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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