I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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