We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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