I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
