Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
