I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
