I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
