I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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