I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
