Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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