This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Ladies don't puke and tell
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
