I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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