How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
