I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
