There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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