my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
