then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize
