sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
