Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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