So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
