worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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