I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
