I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
40s are totally the cure
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
