youre lurking in front of me
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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