..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
