The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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