did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
