What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
