There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
