Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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