wakey wakey hands off snakey
i already hear my dad disowning me
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
