No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
No...this little piggys going to the bar
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
