There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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