which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Everything about him screamed your future.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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