please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
