Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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