Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
