Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
