she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
