The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
