just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
