Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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