Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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