Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
