It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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