And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
